


stained with the blood of somebody you love

by WhyDontWeBegin



Series: As I Fall [8]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Au Ra Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Au Ra Xaela (Final Fantasy XIV), Blood and Violence, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Female Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Garlean Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, In which Zephirin and Haven learn the truth about kura, Multi, Multiple Warriors of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Patch 3.0: Heavensward Spoilers, Sad, Trauma, and therapy, desperately, extreme self indulgence in this entire series, its a real trip man, kura is Not Okay, no beta we just die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:47:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21673180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyDontWeBegin/pseuds/WhyDontWeBegin
Summary: Kura slipped. Said too much. The truth about her is out to her soulmates, and she can't bring herself to stay and see how they react.
Relationships: Warrior of Light/Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Zephirin de Valhourdin/Original Character(s), Zephirin de Valhourdin/Warrior of Light, Zephirin de Valhourdin/Warrior of Light/Warrior of Light
Series: As I Fall [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1262435
Kudos: 3





	stained with the blood of somebody you love

**Author's Note:**

> this is SUPER angst heavy and spoiler-y and just  
> its really heavy, but it explains a lot of the issues surrounding Kura and how she KNOWS things  
> I am. in love with this kind of thing, I know its not everyone's cup of tea, but that's why its called "self-indulgence"

When Kura asked— no, _begged_ Zephirin to flee Ishgard, Haven had been taken aback. They both had. Kura didn’t beg, nor did she cry, and yet they were watching as she did both.

“Please! I can’t loose you again, and I _know_ what it will do to her!”

All three of them went still for a moment. Haven’s heartbeat pounded in her ears as she stared at the Xaela, trying to process her words until a familiar pain hit her. It felt like her head was splitting open and she grit her teeth, pressing a hand against it even as it all began to fade.

The last thing she registered was Zephirin’s voice, but what he said was lost to her.

—

It was snowing.

That was the first thing she noticed. They were in Ishgard. And— it felt like Haven was looking in a mirror, almost, but she wasn’t. No— but the woman she was looking at was her. She remembered this— healing half the Brume. The Au Ra looked around in confusion. Where was Kura?

Her attention was drawn to the sound of a blade clattering against the stone as she (or was it really her?) collapsed. For a minute, everything was still, but then there was Zephirin, walking over and picking her up.

When he turned around, she could’ve sworn she was looking at angels.

And then she was somewhere else entirely, watching yet another memory, familiar and yet..

Where was Kura?

And then they were in the Vault. She didn’t understand— what was going on? Why— why was Lord Haurchefant dying on the ground? Why was Aymeric injured— what was this?

And when she followed her own gaze, why was it that she found _Zephirin_ responsible?

It finally clicked in the next memory. The Auri Paladin before her— wasn’t her. It was, but—

That woman was _Kura_.

Yes, it was, because she knew that face. She knew those eyes, wild with rage and grief and hatred. The woman she’d been watching was— she was _Kura_.

_“After today, I’ll have no right to bear the mantle of Paladin.”_

Everything.. made sense.

Haven watched Kura kill him. Watched her go into a blind rage, could feel the _agony_ as the string snapped, a void opening within her soul that couldn’t be filled by _anything_. Grief and hate and sorrow and—

It hurt. She didn’t realize tears had been burning at her eyes until they were falling. She had seen this _before_ , at the trial by combat, when Kura took Tataru’s place. When she’d flown into a blind rage that scared Haven because she’d _never_ seen something like it before, not from her.

When Haven thought it couldn’t get any worse, it _did_. She saw only flashes— but Kura fought, and she fought, and she fought. But she didn’t _heal_ , her pain didn’t fade, nor did her anger or her hate. She only grew more angry, more hurt, more _broken_.

And the next thing she knew, she was watching her die. The Dark Knight looked completely, utterly exhausted, smiling as the blood pooled under her. Crimson, clashing against light orange stone and colorful tile.

_“Let me go, Nadia.”_

It had been Winter to pull the Scholar away, sobbing. And then the Gunbreaker knelt before her, smiling.

“We’ll miss you.”

“I’ll see you all on the other side..”

“Good. In the meantime, don’t be a stranger, Haven.”

“I promise… not to be.”

Haven cried. She cried because she _knew_ the song Kura sung to herself, even if she’d never heard its words. She knew the tune. She’d heard Kura play it before, heard her hum it.

But she never realized what it _was_.

This _whole time_ , everything, Kura’s trust in Winter when they found out she was Garlean, her assurances that the woman was going to be fine when she disappeared with the other Scions, her familiarity with Ishgard. How she’d _known_ Zephirin would accept them, if begrudgingly. The way she’d stayed behind when Haven and the others went searching for the truth, seeing them off with a small, sad little smile and pain in her eyes, burdened by the weight of knowledge.

Kura had known because she’d _lived_ it. She’d lived it, and she was trying to save Zephirin, trying to save Haven, and that knowledge _hurt_ in a way Haven _never_ felt before.

She didn’t realize it wasn’t over until she saw Kura, bathed in the light of the Mothercrystal, exhausted and sad and _broken_. (She’d just wanted to _rest_ , to finally be with Zephirin again-)

“Warrior of Light.. dear daughter... I can give you a chance to save him.”

_“Please.”_

—

Silence. Zephirin looked from Kura to Haven and back again. The Xaela had gone white as a sheet, and he could feel her panic at the edge of his senses. He hesitated for a moment, but it was a moment too long and Kura _bolted_ from the room. The door outright _slammed_ into the wall with a thunderous noise from the sheer force it was thrown open with as Kura fled.

He blinked a few times, his mouth open and his hand reaching towards the door. He’d been about to call out to her, ask what was wrong, but then he felt an overwhelming _sorrow_ and there was guilt and regret and confusion and a whole other storm of emotions. His throat tightened as his heart plummeted to the bottom of his stomach as Haven fell to her knees, one arm wrapped around herself and the other over her mouth.

Zephirin realized she was crying. Her shoulders were shaking, and he knelt down in front of her. He knew his confusion and apprehension were clear to her, and he could feel her raging emotions threatening to overwhelm his own, but he was _not_ prepared. When Haven looked up at him, tears pouring down her face, drained of all color, emerald eyes wide with fear and confusion and pain and shock and _horror_ , he reached out to her on instinct. Zephirin’s hand barely even touched the fabric on her shoulder before his heart was forced to a stop.

_“Zephirin,”_ Haven whimpered, and his throat tightened at just how small and _terrified_ the Paladin sounded. “She _killed you._ She killed you because of the Archbishop, and _you_ killed- you- she- Kura is-“

Haven choked on her words and _sobbed_ , and Zephirin pulled her to his chest. This time, he didn’t hesitate to offer comfort, too overwhelmed for any doubts about all of _this_ that came from his upbringing to surface. He rubbed circles into her back as she shook in his arms and sobbed, her tears soaking through his shirt. Zephirin’s voice was strained, tight with confusion and _fear_ when he finally spoke. “Haven? What… what did you see?”

“K-Kura is... Kura is _me_.”

He stilled, trying to process her words. She continued.

“She was me, and she was a _Paladin_ , a-and she— she’s been through all this before,” Haven said. She sounded so weak, so frightened, and he began to understand her horror. “And she- all those looks, those moments where she couldn’t look at us, when she was hurting and neither of us knew what to do- her nightmares. The song she hums when she doesn’t think we’re listening. A-all of that... she came back for _you_. To save _you_. T-to... save _me_. She was so _tired_ , Zephirin. Killing you _destroyed_ her... and she was... she was...!”

Zephirin shushed her as she burst into another fit of sobbing. It made- it made _sense_ , and he felt bile burning at the back of his throat. All of that pain, that hate, that grief and regret was because of _him_. Not- not him as he _was_ , but as he had been for her, but it was still Zephirin de Valhourdin who was responsible. He had driven her to kill him, to tear out a piece of her own heart, her own _soul_. He didn’t want to imagine the pain, or the rage, or the self-loathing. Zephirin realized that he didn’t _have_ to.

When he’d watched Kura fight at the trial by combat, she’d gone from angry Dark Knight to a wounded animal backed into a corner when her Elezen companion had been bound. He remembered how he had been forced to lean against the railing because his legs almost buckled beneath his weight, how he’d almost vomited from the overwhelming _storm_ of emotions he’d been caught up in. Like a blizzard stained red with blood and hate and anger and sheer _agony_ that bled into her surroundings, regret and guilt and a gaping, jagged _emptiness_ that could’ve swallowed him whole. Zephirin realized now that she’d been reliving what she experienced that day, relived killing _him_ and that was why it had overwhelmed him so, because _he_ was the focus of those emotions.

All of these realizations forced him to get away from Haven, and he felt her confusion and worry at the edge of his awareness. He barely made it to the trashcan in the corner of the room before he emptied the contents of his stomach, his arms trembling. There was a hand on his shoulder, another on his back, steadying him. Zephirin could hear Haven speaking but couldn’t comprehend her words. A single thought came to mind in a moment of clarity amidst this blizzard of pain and confusion.

_We have to find Kura before it’s too late._ _Before we loose her forever._


End file.
